im one of them

ever heard about people being jobless as they were asked to leave the office on same day notice?

thats me.

except i will get paid until the end of the month, and that i was given garden leave as my vicinity in the office (after my resignation 30 days notice) would demotivate others and im dealing with high confidential data. but still, same day notice? ppacking up my cubicle, clearing inbox, handover my work to my pregnant colleague (harap dia tak terberanak with my workload)...

of course it was a denial for me, when i put too much effort in something, i dont handle rejection easily. but alas, im getting used to this u know.. waking up in the morning,.. off for a morning run, lunch dates with other housewifes... its fun. oh yeah, getting paid too.

and thanks to that............................... i am departing for my solo trip, 5 weeks on my backpack soon. soon. soon....

dear boss, your ego landed me a paid holiday, and i want to say thank you. thank you. keep it up. and a big thumbs down for you.

Mai manglish isnt bad aye?

TOEFL result is out..

my dream grad school limit was to score 79, and i got total score 105/120 without studying! woots! well i did study, if you think watching movie in english and humming to songs while running counts!

GRE is done, TOEFL is done, reccomendation letter is done too.

i listed bestfriend who also works in the same idustry to write recommendation for me (which will go straight to the university im applying). But in the end, in random overthinking night, halfway to sleep, i called her and state my insecurity... i actually asked her to write bad stuff about me, coz i realize i dont think so i wanna leave home. Malaysia is my home. i sense it wont be that long that i'll be part of the brain drain statistics. Taken aback i realize i have friends family and life and marathons and securing a big buck job in famous oil company recently. what a corssroads im in right now. i makes running a marathon is easier.. just follow the crowd at your own pace.

oh well,lets cross the bridge as we get there. no point wondering how now.

special act on a leap day

29 Feb marks a special date that girls can propose to a guy,

or make it memorable enough to commerate the special date.


i woke up that morning.. and made a promt decision while driving to work..
maybe i shud drop the bomb today?

and i did...
instead of tying myself to a guy, i liberated myself from work.

prior to this, i gave them 2 weeks to respond but they take too long sweet time to make up the money, what a big doubt to value my worth (bukannya banyak yang aku mintak pon), when i can work better than some overpaid foreigners. a good reason to walk away i guess.

i appreciate the well wishes and congratulation remarks from some,
as some remarks like "your jumping company habit wont look good on your cv" and
"the grass is not always greener on the other side" need to be balanced out with those positive wishes. me thinks.

ahoy to the future..! god bless me. please.

and April.. here i come! its about time my passport is put to a good use.


p/s: i learn that my resignation wont allow me to get my company bonus, thats thousand worth of money. so my effort just dissipate like that? i hate this. and the fact that i have no income during my travelling in april is.. a scary thought.. i need skill to calm myself occasionally.... deep breathe .

the one that got away...

i think i dont need others to validate my competence at work.
but few things that happen lately (without my knowing initially) leads me to believe that its a compliment to have ppl insecure about me.

so i sent out my resume to few oil companies.... in company "X" a (senior) guy who manage to persuade his management to not take me into his company with reason (throw negative comment here) , and thats exactly what happens...... only for me to find another job, with higgggghhhhhhher pay that i would actually get (if that senior's company would have considered me). i can imagine someone my age earning half of what im about to get and be eternally happy.. hence i felt very very adamant about whats about to come.

is it a blessing? of course!

that senior's insecurity (abt me wanting to join him) was appealing as the story was told to me (by a spy).. he is a dear friend, a person in my FB in fact, eager seeking my help few years back, but having the heart to stab me like that.. this is a rare case of two happy ending. fine i didnt get into his company, and he is happy, but im happier :)

its a lesson learn that the first option (that you had to let go) might not be the best option, and making way to the second one in line sometime brings better, fresh, and suprising result.
sebab tu la kalau sometime at the buffet line im not rushing kejar food, coz i know by the time my turn, they would have just replenish up the food im aiming for..

i am blessed, and blissed, and blossom!

a bit sad (very sad) tht i cant make it to india trip with the girls.. i really want to polish my hindi (yes i speak hindi) and bargaining skill.. but without mom consent especially after i almost drop dead in the plane from food poisoning in Surabaya was enough to make mom not letting me go. kalau pergi jugak jadi derhaka.

with the amount of money i had invested in that trip.....flights and some deposits... i wonder if thats a curse or what.. hish!but its ok.. another day another story. i'll make up my travelling for the year with APRIL!!! :) the trip that i got away.. sadly.

cant wait for april... yes.. cant wait! lets hope that one happens (although risau camne nak semayang kalau dalam open dorm)!

well lets welcome the future... with a bright smile thats blinding to those insecurity ppl.

p/s: sedih bangsa sendiri nak tutup rezeki bangsa sendiri.

a year wiser, as you let yourself be.

December december!

i just love december, yes partly because of the weekend getaway trip to gopeng.. and i hope im lucky enough to see the next december. If god granted a longer lifespan, of course.

Hitting the next age, recently single.. but im not in denial, i am turning 28. but im more than ready to move to my next birthday because of these:

• I completed a marathon distance. Thats 42.195 km, a distance that i once feared and impossibli-fied. Its mental strength. physical second.


• Manage to run another charity drive for cambodian kids, with more support, more people in the equation, and 10 times the value of money collected than before. Let me tell you, my heart was swell with pride. I may not have my own kids, but i made those existing ones happier, coz i can.


• GRE exam was over!! while others take a year to prep for it, i did it in 4 month. phew! whatever result it may be..... TOEFL next!


• I manange to do my version of eat pray love, cram in one city, one week, in New York. I was also running in central park. like central park new york hey!


• Everest sighting! trekking in Nepal was eye opening experience, im soo lucky to be there. And be back safe and alive.


• I found a good friend, it was not planned or expected, but the fact that i can express my unnecessary concern or consult for any aspect in life (except religion) is somewhat a gift, a friendship companion that may be temporary, but i'll cherish it forever.


• The good books i've read during my previous age, the lesson learnt, the perception of life and mentality it yield me to be.


• The good songs i've learn to love, good tunes to make me enjoy my run.


• The roads i've run. new places, new routes, new running friends,new race category. The distance and circle are just extending.

There are also few downs like how i didnt manage to finish my marathon within the cutoff time, or how i didnt got the study scholarship i wanted, nor passed the interview for kl-pac writers, or getting promoted, as i troubleshoot things in life. coz i just felt like it.

do i have aim before the next birthday? Maybe, but i wont say it coz i dont wanna jinx it.

But i am thankful for all. I am, do be it having a sucks work place. The negative things in life are counter-attact of balancing the good things in life. so yes, i am a year wiser.

oh december i love thee. Happy birthday to myself. wiser self. :)

white flag at the workplace

with only 6 years in the industry, im pretty competence i shall say, in knowing about things and managin my workload unsupervised.

meanwhile, i should have known that knowledge is power, and with power comes responsibility, and workload. i was mounted with workload that causes me to break down crying to my boss few weeks back. he was testing my limit, so he said.
another lady in my dept, who wears skirt to work everyday is left untouch with the workloads. wth?

interesting project came up, jakarta office wants the support, it s a project im damn familiar with, and screaming at my resume. but that lady was given the shot, with no experience. wth?

there are times when the lady seek my help to her computer, hey im way under-experience in numbers, but wth we are in a team.. so i help..wth?

2 week ago i was told... the lady got promoted. What the fuck is going on here??!
just because she is orang putih yang cantik dari aku?

im glad my friends took me out to gopeng for pre birthday celebration.it was a useful times to forget this matter temporarily.

im officially raising my white flag at my work place. its silly to continue the battle with idiots. im undervalued for what im worth. i should be glad that i have a job, but this is insane. i dont get my morning/evening runs, i thot i was being a team player in a place where i was actually the sole party.

its like being asked to prepare for a party with no one knowing.
but if you felt like coming to this party regardless, im there with my white flag.

unnecessary DEAD-line, glad im alive.

November was a hectic one.

First, i register myself for a GRE exam last july, when people took a year to prepare, i had only 4 months. it was a decision i made while trotting down the hudson river during my new york trip over a sumemr sunset of july.

then i realize, the date was 3 days away from my first marathon!

it was a constant juggle between study, and getting enough sleep, and morning run.
i was either running, or study. with the daily work in between.
normal adult would only worry about work, while i got exam and marathon coming up.

geologist, student, and athlete? what was i thinking?

mental and physical dateline was not needed by normal working adult, but i did and im glad its all over now. suddenly i have the time to watch movie after work, to get that hair done, and to hang out with people on friday night. liberated!

it was a social suicide for me to not able to join social gatherings, coz i need to study, i cant stay out late coz weekends mornings are meant for long runs (20km or so).
constantly ppl emailing me about marathoner who died because lack of sleep... lagi la seram!

cant wait for the weekend.. will be writing a post about my first full marathon experience.

anywho.. its all over. drinks anyone? movie? whatever? im all open now.. i swear!